從雅思寫作實例看定語從句的使用

語法在我們的雅思寫作中是非常重要的一個考察點。我們給出評分標準中語法部分7分的要求：Grammatical range and accuracy ：uses a variety of complex structures / produces frequent error-free sentences。 而其中的定語從句一定是在我們很多學生的寫作中必不可少的一類句式。今天我們就通過學生的一篇作文來看看定語從句在使用過程中要注意的一些問題。

文章題目： Some people think that citizens should be totally responsible for their own health costs. Others think it is better to have a health care system which provides free health services for all. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

學生作文：

There have always been controversies in the healthcare system of about whether people should take out private health insurance or not. The following will discuss two views of medical care fields. My opinion is that people should be privately insured who can afford it, but government should provide a safety net for people in need.

Citizens should take out private health insurance by themselves who have financial strength. It is a sensible way that not only reduces the cost of government to invest money in other places in need but also give people a choice of hospitals and services who are able to pay for it.

In spite of this, most people cannot afford the high medical fees, which should be provided free health insurance premium. No matter what standard of income someone has or what society someone comes from, everyone should have the right to have a basic medical care. Therefore, it is necessary for the government to provide free health care to everyone.

On my part, people live in poverty, such as people who are unemployed and jobless, are entitled to be free whereas the majority of people who have a steady source of income should allocate a small proportion of their salary to take out private health insurance by themselves.

從這篇文章中我們可以看出，用不同顏色標出來的句子都是定語從句中使用有問題的部分。下面我們來分析一下這幾個句子，看看到底是什么問題。

1. 黃線標出來的部分我們可以發(fā)現(xiàn)作為定語從句部分但是并不是修飾前面的詞匯，主要原因在于作者在寫的時候沒有把從句和引導詞跟在所修飾的先行詞后面，所以才出現(xiàn)了指代不清。

2. 紅線標出來的句子主要是which指代前面的詞匯或者前面這個事件。 當事件在這里解釋不通，可是如果指前面的費用，跟后面的應該被提供是對的， 可是后面的free health insurance premium 又解釋不清楚了，所以還是沒有弄懂句子，尤其是which的指代的問題。

3. 粉色的句子在寫的時候作者沒有注意到其實已經(jīng)犯了一個句子兩個謂語動詞的問題，live in， are entitled to 兩個謂語部分并列出現(xiàn)。其實這個句子我們的改法當然不止一種，而定語從句就是其中一個。所以這個句子我們可以在people后面加上who， 這樣整個句子就解決了語法的問題。

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